"Why me, God?" Tevya anguished as he looked upward. (from Fiddler on the Roof)
Who has not asked that question? Sometimes jokingly, but all of us at one time or another question God earnestly within our heart. Day upon day, blessing upon blessing goes by and we are satisfied and happy. Then, with one phone call or email, a simple sentence can turn our world upside down.I've been given many blessings from God. I take them and run. How far can you run at a sprinter's pace? I dream of what blessings will evolve into. I make plans around them. I try to make them grow into something more than they may be intended for. At other times, life runs it's course and something happens to shake it up at no fault of my own.
I have had a constant conversation with myself and God over a certain phone call the other day. I am mad at myself for getting depressed over something that I have no control over. Why, just yesterday I found the cutest shop in a quaint town nearby and couldn't even enjoy it! I get so excited about anything autumn, yet wanted to cry over pumpkin displays and the coolest retro fabric tea towels. This morning I had to force myself to garden. Now I have to force myself to write, finish an illustration and then fix dinner and be cordial.
I argue with myself. "Life stinks."
"How dare you say something like that when you've been given so much."
"I don't like the unknown, and today I do not know what tomorrow may bring."
"You know that God has always steered you the right direction. Life has gotten sweeter each time you've gone through something like this. Be still and listen to God."
"But what if..."
"Why would you question God? How many times does He have to show you that He is in control?"
"Ahhhh. There it is. I always want to be in control; in control of every situation, and, truth be known, even for what God has planned for me."I am glad God's Word is written on my heart. The more I learn of our Father and His Son, the more I want to know. I've learned that you can't read a passage too many times, as God has different things to say through the same words depending on what He wants you to hear. Writing for Christian publications has helped strengthen that. Now, I need to take that and run with it! I will keep my focus on God.
I don' think there is anyone that hasn't gotten depressed at one time or another and had to force themselves out of it. It's that ugly part of human nature. First, you force yourself out of bed and do the mundane chores. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself wanting to transplant some seedlings as I forced myself to water the garden after I flushed the phrase "what's the use" out of my head. And, as much as I love to paint, I know I will find joy when I force myself to finish that illustration of a birthday party this afternoon. Just writing about it makes me want to get out the paint.
Today I will walk, not run, and enjoy the moment. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I do know what I have right now and know that it is good. Thank you, God, for your grace, patience and loving hugs!